What I Want?



I realized my 30-day free trial of Amazon Prime is up and I still have yet to publish my follow-up piece to the last post. Why?

Because every day I wake up and the world seem to have dealt out another new story more abhorrent than the last. I cannot write cheeky when I am overwhelmed by grief for my fellow people. It just doesn’t seem appropriate.


But the truth is, my life goes on. My kids continue to go to school and deal with their everyday dramas. I still have to grocery shop every day because I have teenagers. We still laugh despite the sadness everywhere. I still write. Laundry still piles up. I still drive carpool. Dinner still has to be made every single night. My kids still cannot find the dishwasher, ever.

So why do I feel like it is so bad to write about these mundane details?

You know what I want?


What I want is to write funny, cheeky blog posts every week without guilt about what is going on in the world. I also want to keep up on my novel. I want to be inspirational without trying and smart and literary.

What I really want is 72 more hours in a day.


What I want is to raise good kids, but I confess I don’t really know what that means or what that actually entails. I am making this whole thing up as I go along and hoping for the best.

What I really want is for that to be enough.


What I want is to be worldly and influence those who need help in a way that is meaningful. Except the world is so large and the needs seem so great. My influence seems to only extend a little ways and I only have so many resources.

What I really want is to feel good about what I do accomplish.


What I want is to be a good friend. It turns out though that friendship is so full of people and feelings. Despite being identified as an extrovert on personality tests for years, I suspect I am actually a social introvert. People and feelings overwhelm me quickly and I find in my older age, what I really want is retreat.


What I want is for people to get along. Except recently my children reminded me that we fight with those with whom we share life with on a regular basis, those with whom we have most things in common, but not all things. That is a good thing.

What I really want is for social media to go back to being social and for us to stop hiding behind screens and get out and interact again.


What I want is for people to stop being loyal to ideologies, theologies, flags, and all the types of preconceived filters we put on our thinking that cause division and hate and the need to be right.

What I really want is a world where we embrace difference as strength because that is what builds us up.


All of these are so simple.   Easy wants.


The question I have to solve right now, before my credit card is charged is:

Do I want Amazon Prime?


It turns out the dress I ordered was also not the right one. Thankfully it could be returned.

I ordered three more that could only be ordered with Prime and could also be returned. One of those worked.

In the end, I ordered 5 dresses. Three of which were returned with Prime.  And I am grateful my daughter will dance.  Dressed.  For Jesus.  And I got some of my money back.


Wonder Woman came and it was the 3D version. I had to return it. I don’t own a 3D TV. I don’t know if this was my mistake or Prime.

I think this is all part of Amazon’s plan to get more fees from me. Whatever. For about 30 seconds I actually considered going on Amazon and looking to see how much a 3D TV cost so I could avoid the return fees. Was that the plan all along? I returned the DVD and paid the shipping.

I drove to Costco instead and got a copy.  And it was an amazing movie.  She inspired us all with her strength and integrity.  Despite the fall from my moral high ground, we had Wonder Woman, from Costco.


Amazon did save us on a difficult part for our grill. This experience almost made me a fan.

If it wouldn’t have been for Wonder Woman…


But in the end I ordered nothing else until this last day of membership only because it saves me several trips around town.

That is the thing right?

Amazon is convenience. But that isn’t worth one hundred dollars a year to me. I don’t buy a ton of stuff. Groceries yes. Stuff no.

So Amazon can take over the world and I will keep on shopping without Prime.  I see the benefits, but they aren’t for me.

The experience has taught me a great lesson in how to walk this walk I want to see.  I need to be the change, right?  Be against things less and admit that we can be a world of Prime-haves and Prime-have nots and still co-exist.

Thanks Amazon.

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