It’s How I Deal.

We are at the end of another school year.

We did it! I am so tired.

Nobody told me all those years ago when I drove my first baby to his first day of preschool that it would feel like this 12 years later.
I love the rhythm. I hate the rhythm.
I love the growth. I hate the growth.
I want to enjoy every minute.
Can we stop already with everything having to be so precious?
Ying and Yang.

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Last day of school is so many things. Precious. Hard. Emotional. Exciting.
It is the end. It is the beginning.
Ying and Yang

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Last day of all three are in elementary.   June 2013.

Life would be so much easier if everything would just stay the same. I cannot wait for summer vacation.
Ying and Yang
Change is hard. Exhausting really.

We are up to our eyeballs in change at our house.

The end of elementary school FOREVER!
The end of driving someone to and from Every. Single. Blessed. Day.
…and the end of the in and through that carpool lane (AMEN!)
The end of middle school for two of our children! (Hallelujah)
The end of children who do not drive.
The end of children who are smaller than me.
The end of chubby cheeks and fat feet and sweet smelling Johnson’s baby shampooed heads.
The end of… oh so much more…

May was so busy with all of the things we have to do….two band concerts, two choir concerts, two awards ceremonies, a high school graduation for my niece in another state, and confirmation plus all the normal lessons, games and groups three kids HAVE to participate in…that there is no time to process all this change.

There is no time to sit in the change and feel through it. So, I am exhausted from holding all the emotion inside.

You know what happens then?

I fall asleep at my son’s band concert. A little nap. A few winks. He wasn’t performing or anything.

But May, man, and all this change, and there I am ASLEEP. In the middle school auditorium on a Thursday evening.

Because, middle school band concerts are LONG; and I have sat through so many.

Plus, I am seated right behind the 7th grade percussion section with all of their smells and whispers adding to the sensory experience.

Between the 6th graders attempt at a march and a squeaky pop song, I am lulled right into a cat nap.

Although we can do hard things…we cannot do all the things.

As I watch my babies all in the middle of their becoming, watching them figure out how to match who they are deep inside with who they want to show on the outside, I get so many FEELS.

But, there are also so many places to drive them, and watch them, and cheer them on. No time to feel the FEELS, so I nap. IN A BAND CONCERT.

It is how I deal.

I am sad to let go of what was our life was before.

There have been so many great things about being a mom of littles.

But, man, watching the becoming is something to behold. It steals my breath quite often.

So as the ride seems to go faster and faster, I hang on for dear life…

And catch those winks where I can…

Now that it is summer, maybe there will be time…
Oh who am I kidding!

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